"Yep."\n\n[[Wait a second... isn't this your fault?|fault]]
Yeah, like it's that easy.\n\nFair warning: you can take the stairs, but I'm just going to kill you and make you take the elevator anyway. You read the story title, right? You think you can just skip the whole elevator part?\n\n[[I'll take my chances.]]\n[[FINE I'LL TAKE THE STUPID ELEVATOR|Sure!]]
Yeah, yeah. I have better things to do anyway.\n\nYou, uh, wake up in your bed as your alarm goes off. At the normal time. You get up and get ready for work, thinking about the //crazy dream// you had last night-\n\n[[Come on now. You can do better than that.]]\n<<if $secret eq "yes">>[[SECRET ENDING]] <<endif>>
No.\n\n[[Oh. Sorry.|Forget it, I don't need it.]]
"What, like it's my responsibility?\n\n"Alright, fine, you have a point. There isn't much I can do right now, but maybe..."\n\n[[Maybe?]]
"Such dazzling wit. It's hard to look right at you."\n\nYou get the feeling she's being sarcastic.\n\n"Well, I'm on a pretty tight schedule, so let's make this quick. I'm gonna choke you with your intestines, just like I said. You can't die, because you're already dead. So I think maybe...\n\n"Yeah, that'll work.\n\n"You'll just wake up again, and have to try this from the start. Don't worry, I'll pretend not to remember you. Helps add to the confusion you'll be feeling."\n\nWith that, she strangles you with your own intestines. Just like she said she would. It's gross.\n\nLike, seriously.\n\nEw.\n\nAnd then you [[wake up.|Start]]
Straight ahead of you is a young woman, leaning against the side with her arms folded across her chest. She seems amused, and a little perplexed. Her brown eyes seem to have little flecks of red floating around in them.\n\n"Sucks to be you," she says, as the door closes behind you.\n\n[[Excuse me?]]\n[[Who are you?]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $give_up = "no">>\n<<set $secret = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>Are you read to [[begin|Begin]]?
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That can't be right, you tell yourself. Looking at the clock again, you realise it's flashing 12:00 over and over - there must have been a power failure overnight or something. Just your luck.\n\n[[Shit, I gotta go.|Fine, fine, I'll get up!]]\n[[Fuck it, the universe wants me to sleep.|Fail 1]]
"Sure."\n\nYou look at her expectantly. She rolls her eyes.\n\n"I hate to break it to you, but you died. I mean, not naturally. You're not on the list, so, yeah. It probably happened when you got into the elevator."\n\n[[Um, what?]]\n[[Well, that sucks.|Um, what?]]
"Fuck your fourth wall."\n\nLanguage.\n\n"Fuck you."\n\nThat would be weird.\n\n"...yeah. It would."\n\nSo what do you want?\n\n"This asshole got into the elevator when they weren't supposed to. Now they're dead, and being all whiny about it."\n\nYeah, I know. I wrote it, remember?\n\n"Obviously. Now I'm asking you to //fix// it."\n\nWhy would I do that?\n\n[[Oh my god this is the stupidest thing ever]]
Fuck it. Late is late, right? The real question is, what are you going to do about it?\n\n[[I'm going back to sleep, asshole.|Fail 1]]\n[[Fine, fine, I'll get up!]]
You open your eyes the bare minimum needed to see the numbers on the digital clock beside your bed. It reads 6:66. That's lucky; you're not actually late yet!\n\nIt takes you a few seconds to realise that's not an actual time. \n\n[[Look again]]\n[[Fuck it, I'll just get up|Fine, fine, I'll get up!]]
You haul yourself out of bed, stumbling over to the closet to scavenge for an outfit. Nearly everything is in the laundry basket (I'm being polite here. More than likely, it's on the floor, but let's pretend you have //some// self respect). Even still, you manage to pull something appropriate together. Shuddering at your appearance in the mirror, you slam the closet door shut.\n\n[[Fuck you, I look fabulous.]]\n[[Who cares? I'm late enough as it is.]]
That's the spirit.\n\nIn a frantic panic, you practically swallow your toast whole, spilling some orange juice on yourself in the process. With your nerves frayed and your self esteem appropriately battered, you leave your apartment, only to realise you left your phone behind.\n\n[[Forget it, I don't need it.]]\n[[Better go back for it.]]\n[[Pretty sure I didn't.]]
<<if $secret eq "yes">>Oh hey, welcome back. Um... there's no secret ending. Sorry.\n\n<<endif>>It's gonna be one of those days. You can tell as soon as you wake up. It's the silence that tips you off - quiet, peaceful, almost soothing. The exact opposite of the alarm you rely on to get you out of bed on time to get to work.\n\nSlothfully, you roll yourself over, closing your eyes before the clock comes into view. Do you really want to know how late you are?\n\n[[It's kinda important…]]\n[[Not really, no.]]
"What are you, five? Or just an asshole?"\n\nYou don't really have an answer for her. If I had to guess, though, it would probably be the latter.\n\nAsshole.\n\n"Look, you're new here, so I'll cut you a break. Just don't push your luck.\n\n[[Understood.]]\n[[Okay, Becky.]]
You're not going to believe this.\n\nYou locked your keys in your apartment.\n\nSeriously, what is with you today? Maybe you should just stop playing. You're embarassing me.\n\n[[Now I have to call a locksmith?]]\n[[Forget it, I don't need it.]]
Look, you don't.\n\n[[Who cares? I'm late enough as it is.]]\n[[No seriously, I look great.]]
"Pretty hot for a corpse, right? Don't answer that, I don't care. I really thought you'd be more concerned with your //own// mortality. You did hear me say you're dead, right?"\n\n[[Uh, sure. Yeah.|I'm… dead?]]
THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORk oh wow it did!\n\nUh, thanks for the help. This doesn't make us friends, though.\n\n[[Whatever. Can I go home now?]]
She raises an eyebrow.\n\n"Don't get any funny ideas, kid."\n\nShe taps her fingers against the wall.\n\n"Oh! Hey, so look. I can't do anything about this right now. It's kind of a fixed deal. But I think I might know some way to get you out of this. Maybe."\n\n[[Maybe?]]
<<set $secret = "yes">>Oh, I can. Play through again, and you'll get the ~secret ending~ \n\nTrust me, it's worth it.\n\nIt had better be...\n\n[[Play again|Begin]]
I TRICKED YOU THERE IS A SECRET ENDING\n\n...it's just this, though.\n\nUm.\n\nHey.\n\nCome here often?\n\nYeah, you should probably... go...\n\nWell, bye.
Fine, be that way.\n\nHey, guess what?\n\nYou died.\n\nJust like that.\n\nYou fell out your window and your clothes caught on a hook and you landed, naked, with your sweaty, pimply ass in the air. Everyone you ever loved saw you and laughed, and they just kept laughing and laughing and laughing.\n\nI'M IN CHARGE, FUCKSTICK.\n\nNow try again, and go do as I say.\n\n[[I'm sorry, Mistress. It won't happen again.|Who cares? I'm late enough as it is.]]
"Rebecca," she says, her tone friendly and welcoming. "Call me Becky and I'll choke you with your own intestines."\n\n[[Understood.]]\n[[Sure thing. *snicker* Becky.|Becky]]
She looks hurt.\n\n"I'd like to see you do better."\n\n[[Oh, really?]]\n[[Challenge accepted.]]\n[[This is stupid.]]
She looks stumped.\n\n"You're right," she says. "It would be too much to expect independant thought from you."\n\nShe stares at you, as if expecting a response. You give none.\n\n"Alright, look. I can't send you back now; way too much paperwork involved. But, there is another option. Maybe.\n\n[[Maybe?]]
Lethal Elevator from Hell
"Name's Rebecca," she says. "And it sucks to be you right now."\n\n[[Oh. Well, thanks for explaining that.|Understood.]]
You did.\n\nNow pick one of these options.\n\n[[Forget it, I don't need it.]]\n[[Better go back for it.]]
You were talking to me before.\n\n[[That's different. I'm the player. She's breaking the fourth wall.|fourth wall]]
She laughs again.\n\n"Yeah, sure."\n\n[[Wait a second... isn't this your fault?|fault]]
She laughs at you.\n\n"Yeah... no. Sorry. It's not a job we give to amateurs. Unless you have a few centuries of harvesting the souls of the dead under your belt...\n\n"Don't look at me like that. I know that you don't."\n\nYou seem to have amused her, at least.\n\n"Alright, look. I don't hate you. There //might// be a way for you to get out of this. I can't promise anything, but maybe..."\n\n[[Maybe?]]
<<if $give_up eq "no">>You're not there anymore. Try to keep up.\n<<else>>I knew you'd be back.<<endif>>\n\n"You've got to help us!" a squirrel cries, running up to you from out of the shrubbery. "The evil queen-"\n\n<<if $give_up eq "no">>[[Nope. Not doing this.]]\n<<else>>[[Evil queen. Got it. Let's go kill her.]] <<endif>>
Yeah, no. I'm in charge here. You look however I say you look.\n\n[[Who cares? I'm late enough as it is.]]\n[[Go soak your head, you mean-spirited toad-licker|Fail 2]]
You done fucked up, kid.\n\nYou died in your sleep; a combination of asbestos and a gas leak. You probably could have afforded a better place, but you're the kind of lazy asshole who sleeps in instead of going to work, so this is the best you could get.\n\nI hope you're happy.\n\n...\n\nOkay, okay, it's too early to kill you. Here, have a [[second chance|Fine, fine, I'll get up!]]. On the house.
Don't bother. You'll probably just screw that up, too. Just worry about it later, and go to work. Trust me, it'll be more interesting than waiting around for a locksmith.\n\n[[Ugh, fine.|Forget it, I don't need it.]]\n[[Do I get any say in this?]]
"Hey, just because your stupid ass wandered into the first elevator you saw doesn't make this //my// fault. I never asked you to get in."\n\n[[You never told me not to, either.]]\n[[Well how was I supposed to know?]]
"Yeah, it's a real tragedy. I'm sure the world weeps at your passing."\n\nShe laughs.\n\n"But seriously, bum deal. Still, it's not so bad. Hell can be an alright place once you get used to it.\n\n[[What about Heaven?]]\n[[Hell, huh. Seems about right.]]
Phones are overrated anyway. Whatever happened to talking to people face to face? Maybe you should try that. You do remember how to talk to people, right?\n\n…I'm sure you'll be fine.\n\nAnyway, you continue your pathetic struggle to get to work by walking around the corner to get to the elevator. You jam your finger on the down button repeatedly, as if hitting it multiple times will reduce the time it takes to get to you.\n\nDING.\n\nAnd there it is. Why don't you step inside? I'm sure everything will be fine from here on.\n\n[[Sure!]]\n[[Sure...|Sure!]]\n[[…maybe I'll take the stairs.]]
Snow McNally\n@andyre
"I have an idea. Hey, Snow!"\n\nUm... yes?\n\n"You're in charge here, right?"\n\nYou could say that.\n\n"Well, can't you do something about this?"\n\nLike what?\n\n"I don't know, fix it!"\n\nI dunno, that sounds like a lot of work.\n\n[[I'm sorry, are you talking to the writer?]]
Deal with it, asshole.\n\n"Seriously, what is with this twat?"\n\nWho knows? Probably just spoiled.\n\n"So are you gonna help me, or what?"\n\nYeah, I got this. You get back to work, I'll catch up with you later.\n\n"See ya."\n\n[[Um... what's going on?]]
"Kill me?" she laughs, materialising before you. "No, you can't kill me. I'm far too powerful for that. You're supposed to //seduce// me. It's the only way to break the curse."\n\n[[Oh for fuck's sake]]
"You're stupid.\n\n"Sorry, that was immature of me. I really should know better, by now."\n\nShe looks pensive.\n\n"Way to bring me down, jerk."\n\n...\n\n"Alright, this is stupid. I think I have a way to get you out of this, but..."\n\nYou look at her expectantly.\n\n"It's nothing. It'll be fine." She hesitates. "Maybe."\n\n[[Maybe?]]
You didn't let me finish! You were ON MARS it was gonna be awesome.\n\nOh, whatever.\n\nYou're lying on your back, staring up at the same stone ceiling you've been beneath for as long as you can remember. In the cell next to yours, a putrid odour has begun to spread; another dead inmate. Seems like it's almost a daily occurrence, lately.\n\n[[You know you aren't even very good at this?]]
You step into the elevator, even though you //know// it's a bad idea. It appears to be constructed from balsa wood and duct tape. There aren't even buttons for the floors, they're just painted on. Wait, that's not even paint. It's pencil. Grey-lead. Classy.\n\nThere are three others in the elevator with you. It's uncomfortable cramped, and smells like a cat. Probably because of the cat.\n\nThe dude to your left looks about a thousand years old. His white, fluffy beard takes up more space than he does, and his sunken grey eyes look glassy and vacant. You wonder if he just forgot to get off the elevator. Who knows how long he's been in there?\n\nTo your right is the cat, staring at up at you as though it wants to slit your throat and drink the blood that spills out.\n\nIt's a cat. That's probably exactly what it wants.\n\n[[Not sure I even want to know who person number three is…|Three]]
"My fault? How do you figure?"\n\n[[Well, you let me in here…]]\n[[You're a terrible Grim Reaper!]]\n[[It just is!]]
<<set $give_up = "yes">>You're an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, when one day-\n\n[[You know what? I miss the forest.|Um... what's going on?]]
YOU TRIP AND FALL DOWN THE STAIRS.\n\nNah, just kidding. You found the secret path! Now you can avoid the Hell elevator (Hellevator?) and enjoy a happy ending-\n\nAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT.\n\nYOU TRIP AND FALL DOWN THE STAIRS.\n\nCome on now. Play properly.\n\nYou meant to take the elevator, right?\n\n[[Yes.|Sure!]]\n[[No!|Sure!]]
What, you don't like forests? Fine, have it your way.\n\nIt's been weeks, possibly months, since you last saw a human face. Beneath your bare feet, the red sand sizzles, scorching your feet and hurting your eyes. You reach for your canteen, living out the same depressing realisation you've come to every time; you ran out of water long ago. You just forgot.\n\nYou know, because of the dehydration.\n\n[[Nope.]]
Fine, forget the evil queen. She gets impaled by a unicorn, and then you ride the unicorn off into the sunset. Is that what you wanted?\n\n[[You're not even trying anymore, are you?]]
"Sorry, let me explain. I'm sort of playing Grim Reaper today. You know, collecting lost souls and such. Boring work, but it lets me see the sun, so I can't really complain. I just came here to collect this old relic. Not really sure how you got in, but since you did, you died, since living people aren't really allowed."\n\n[[I'm… dead?]]\n[[You're dead?]]
Well aren't you brave?\n\nFine, take the stairs. See if I care. You know you're on, like, the 30th floor, right? Sure would be a shame if you tripped and fell...\n\n[[Alright, you win.|Sure!]]\n[[CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP]]
"It just is? Seriously? That's the best you can come up with?\n\n"Alright, look. I do feel a little bad about it, even if you are a bit of an asshole. I can't just send you back, but maybe..."\n\n[[Maybe?]]
You wake up in the middle of an enchanted forest. You can tell it's enchanted because all the trees have faces, and animals are singing to each other, or some shit.\n\n[[What happened to the elevator?]]