12 Months on Hormones

12 Months on Hormones

So, it’s officially been a year since I started officially undergoing hormone replacement therapy. Which means a few things. Let’s start by looking at some of the changes I’ve undergone.

The physical changes continue to progress, but they do appear to have slowed down now. My skin is a lot clearer and softer, my boobs are a lot bigger, my face is more round. All of this goes a long way to creating a more feminine appearance. My metabolism has also slowed down, and I’m putting on weight more easily than I did before.

Usually, estrogen is supposed to enhance your sense of smell. Unfortunately, we’ve been right in the middle of spring for the past three months and my hayfever has prevented me from smelling anything at all. So I guess we’ll have to wait and see on that one.

Apparently, I’m actually super sensitive to estrogen. My body just eats it up (almost as if it’s been starved of it for the past 23 years) and despite being on a relatively low dose, the single daily pill I was taking all but obliterated my testosterone levels. It’s been several months since I stopped taking an androgen blocker (which is mostly for doing exactly that, lowering testosterone levels) and still my levels were essentially at zero, so I’m now on an even lower dose of estrogen. My energy levels are starting to return to almost normal, though I still spend a lot of my days feeling drained and lethargic. Still, it’s getting better. In the meantime, the medication tango continues.

I’ve experienced rather erratic emotional shifts, though it’s hard to say whether the HRT contributed to that. It’s not unlike the depression I experienced a few years ago, and having starting taking antidepressants again, it seems to be helping.

I’ve stopped paying attention to the way that I sound. I may be risking falling into old habits that way, but it’s nice for now just to not be acutely aware of the pitch of my voice every time I open my mouth to speak.

After 11 months and 11 laser hair removal sessions, my face continues to stubbornly sprout treacherous little hairs on a daily/bi-daily basis. I have another five sessions books, and I’m very much hoping that will be the end of it. Until then, I continue to look forward to a career in the circus as a bearded lady.

All in all, aside from my latest, rather dyke-y haircut, I generally look and sound passably feminine. I mostly feel comfortable going out and about without worrying about how I’ll be treated. Summer helps, because wearing a t-shirt makes my boobs super obvious, and obvious boobs really helps with gendering.

And then, there’s the other thing. 1 year. 12 months. I’m now officially eligible to seek genital reassignment surgery. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s exactly what I want, and the sooner I can make it happen, the better. Of course, right now I don’t have the $15,000 that it’ll cost lying around, but I’m working on it. I hope that when the time comes, if any of you can help, you will.

But that’s a post for another day. Today, we’re just looking back on the year that’s been. I can honestly say that the last year has been, quite frankly, awful. It’s been stressful, terrifying, exhausting, draining, frequently miserable. But it’s been worth it, and I’ve never felt like it wasn’t. And lately, things have been getting better. I look forward to that trend continuing in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

~Snow

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